Posted in Blog, Ideas Book, Inspiration, NaPoWriMo 2016, Poetry, Writing Notebook, Writing Stuff

Reflecting On NaPoWriMo 2016

logo-napowrimoWell, my first NaPoWriMo is over. I’ve had a great, extremely productive month. I’ve achieved some of my goals for this month and some goals have changed a bit.

At the end of NaPoWriMo, you should have written 30 poems. I’ve written 70 poems so have definitely achieved the overall goal of the challenge.

I wanted to write a sequence of poems about bullying. This didn’t quite work out. I wrote a few poems but they didn’t feel right and came across more as little stories so I stopped writing them. However, I’ve had a really good idea on how to make the sequence work. I’ll start next week.

As well as working on my bullying sequece, The Art of not Fitting In, I also need to edit the 70 poems I wrote this month so I’ll have a busy couple of weeks.

NaPoWriMo did exactly what I hoped – spark the poet inside me back to life. I remember how much I enjoyed writing poems when I was at my peak many years ago. I will definitely continue to write two or three poems a week.

One surprising thing is how many poems I’ve written using poetry forms. I’ve discovered I hate using poetry forms that are written in set metrical forms using stressed and un-stressed syllables such as sonnets. I do, however, enjoy using poetry forms with syllable counts, set word counts per line, set rhyming couplet scheme or creating an effect by repeating key lines. This is something I will continue to explore.

The next few weeks will be very busy:

  • Editing 70 poems written during NaPoWriMo
  • Working on The Art of not Fitting In, my sequence about bullying. I’ll start this next week and still have some notes to finalise
  • Taking part in StoryADay in May
  • Writing the 1st Draft of my new novel, In A Dark, Dark House

 

Posted in Blog, Inspiration, NaPoWriMo 2016, Poetry, Writing Stuff

NaPoWriMo Brainstorming

download

So, I’ve been letting the old cogs in my brains run since I decided to write a sequence of 30 poems for NaPoWriMo.

I’ve chosen a theme – bullying.

Writing poems about bullying has been on my back burner for a while now. I was bullied at school so the subject matter is close to my heart.

Some of the poems will be based on my own experiences.

The working title for the whole sequence will be The Art of Not Fitting In.

Over the next couple of weeks I’m going to make noses for 3o bullying incidents with the aim of writing one poem about each.

I am really looking forward to NaPoWriMo now.

Posted in First Drafts, Inspiration, NaPoWriMo 2016, Poetry

The Act Of Wanting

download

THE ACT OF WANTING (1ST DRAFT)

Do you remember the time you let
another person completely consume
you?

I was 23. Her name was Cathy
and she was a year older. We
were together for five insane
months.

I was mad about her. I was obsessed
with her. My passion was suffocating
and all-consuming.

I did things with her that make
me burn with shame almost thirteen
years later.

She was a student and like to have
sex with me in the bin shed on the
outskirts of campus. We fucked
in the public toilets of gay bars.
I even pretended to be a man
because she told me she couldn’t
enjoy sex any other way. We
got chucked out a bar once
because we were almost having
sex in a booth and people
complained.

If I’d been in a
sound state of mind
I’d never have let
such things happen.

My lust for her made
me do crazy things.

I told myself I was
in love with her. She
was the great love of
my life. It helped excuse
my reckless behaviour around
her. It had to be love right?
Love made it all seem more
honourable. Without love
I was just a slut. I felt cheap.

She didn’t like to
have sex in a bed.
I was just a cheap
Friday night fuck
but I wanted her so
much I couldn’t see the truth.

We kept splitting up
but got back together.
She just had to snap her
fingers and I’d come running
and panting like a loyal dog.

It didn’t matter how much
she hurt me, cheated on me with
men and women or made me feel
like nothing – I came to her just the same.

We finally broke up when I snapped
out of the lust-filled daze I’d been
in from the moment we met. I realised
I didn’t love her. She didn’t love
me because if she did she wouldn’t treat
me with so little respect. I found
a way to set myself free.

The break up was a mess. We
argued until 3am. I shouted and
screamed at her like a mad woman;
snot running down my face, spilt
flying and blinded by tears. She
looked at me like I was lump
of shit on her shoe.

I just wanted her to hold me,
kiss me, tell me she loved me
and everything would be okay.
She couldn’t even look at me.

I wanted her so much it
made me shake.

Copyright © 2016 by Pamela Scott

Posted in Blog, Inspiration, NaPoWriMo 2016, Poetry

Getting The Poetry Spark Back

download (5)It seems that deciding to take part in NaPoWriMo has sparked the poet inside me back to life.

Since I officially signed up, I’ve had a lot of ideas for poems.

I wrote a new poem for the first time in months, In Celebration Of Kissing. I think it’s going to be part of a short sequence of five or six poems.

I’ve also had a think about how I want to tackle NaPoWriMo.

I’ve decided I want to write a sequence of thirty poems. I’ve never set out to intentionally write a sequence of poems. The sequences I’ve written have been accidental. I’ve simply realised after reviewing my archives that I’ve written several poems that deal with similar themes and edited them into a sequence.

I was looking at a website the other day. I don’t know what one because I was just randomly browsing. It was a poet’s website and they were posting about writing a sequence of 31 poems about domestic violence. The post was really interesting and sparked my imagination.

So I’m going to pick a theme and write a sequence of 30 poems about it. I want the poems, at least some of them to stand on their own but the poems as a collective whole tell a story. Not a story as much. I don’t want the poems to read like I’ve been lazy and just split a bunch of stories into the form of a poem. The 30 poems will imply a series of linked events. If you get what I mean.

I’ve not even started to think what the sequence of poems will be about. I’ve got a couple of weeks to do some brainstorming. I’ve even bought some shiny new notebooks for the occasion and beyond.

Posted in Blog, Inspiration, NaPoWriMo 2016, Poetry

Why I’m Taking Part In NaPoWriMo

download (4)

April 2016 will be all about poetry because I’m taking part in National Poetry Writing Month otherwise known as NaPoWriMo.

The premise is simple – write a poem a day in April. This may seem a breeze of a daunting task to some people. Over the past 10 years I’ve written more than 2000 poems.

This alone suggests I’m up to the task. I have about 12 poetry collections compiled and have had many poems published. NaPoWriMo should be a breeze? Right?

Wrong.

In the past I’ve written more poems in a week than I’ll need to write for NaPoWriMo in a month. However, I haven’t done this for at least five years. My poetry output is sporadic these days and I probably don’t even write 31 poems in a year let alone a month.

There is a story here so bear with me.

I wrote my first poem Nameless way back in January 2003 when I was in my twenties.

NAMELESS

She fills my head with song.
The world fades
until she surrounds me.

I drown in her,
struggle to breathe.
My heart pounds.

A drum-beat fills my head,
my skin tingles and ripples.
I shudder at the sight of her.

What’s happening to me?
Why so I churn inside?
Butterfly’s flutter in my stomach.

My throat closes
and I can’t breathe.
I want to run my hands through her hair.

Her vibrant golden hair.
Her eyes filled with sunshine.
Her perfect soft lips.

My stomach’s in knots
at the thought of seeing her.
I’m giddy with anticipation.

I want to kiss her,
touch her
and taste her.

I want to smell her skin,
feel her inside me
and devour her.

What’s happening to me?
Why do I churn inside?
What can this possibly mean?

She’s the universe.
She’s everything.
I’m nothing.

Copyright © 2007 by Pamela Scott

I started to write poems because some crazy stuff was happening in my life. I’d fallen hard for someone, a beautiful tomboy I used to see on my bus every day. I was a bit freaked out because I was attracted to a nineteen year old woman. Over a period of months I started to remember things I’d long-repressed about my past. To cut a long story short, I’d known I was queer, a lesbian, a gay woman, whatever since I was a teenager. Bad things happened and I refused to accept how I felt. I repressed my feelings so well that over time I didn’t even have a memory of them. Until a beautiful girl got on my bus and woke me up.

I’m sure you can guess the rest of the story? You’ve probably heard it before. I came out and my life changed forever. In a good way. I accepted myself, I was happy for the first time in years, I met the love of my life etc, etc, etc…

So where was I? Oh, yes, poetry.

I started to write poetry because I was freaking out about my feelings and the things I was remembering from the past. I didn’t have anyone to talk to about what I was going through. I’m not good at the whole ‘sharing’ thing. I was afraid words would be inadequate to explain what was happening to me. I was afraid of cruel words and harsh judgement.

So I started to write poems.

I wanted to write about the huge emotional upheavals I was going through. I was experiencing things that changed my life forever and it seemed important to have a record of this. I’ve never been one for journal writing and didn’t think it would be a good idea to write fiction so poetry became my medium.

Over a period of two years I ate, slept, breathed and lived poetry. I wrote poems like my life depended it on. I wrote about my feelings for the beautiful woman on the bus, I wrote about my first time in a gay bar, my first sexual encounter with another woman, my first relationship with another woman, my first break-up, the first time I fell in love and everything in between.

These poems have been gathered in a soon-to-be-published collection called My Heart Laid Bare (do you see what I did there?).

Two years after I came out I met the love of my life and I’ve been happy ever since. I’ve not been happy all day every day like a cheesy Hallmark card. God no. But I’m happy at least once a day. Sometimes I’m so happy and content I make myself nauseous.

I wrote 85% of my poems when I was going through deep emotional trauma. I’ve been happy for ten years. Do you see where I’m going with this?

I’m taking part in NaPoWriMo because I want to unleash the poet inside me (Oh, God that sounds really cheesy!). I remember how much I enjoyed writing poems, finding the right image, the right sentence and the right mood. I sort of miss it so I’m challenging myself to be a poet again.

The only goal I’m setting myself is to write a poem a day. The length and subject matter isn’t important to me. I just want to get back into the habit of writing poems every day. This might be the best thing I’ve ever done. Or a bloody mess.

If it works out, I hope to compile the poems into a collection. If things go really well I hope to start writing poems more regularly. If things don’t work out there’s always next year.

Join my poetry journey in April. I’ll publish my poems on this website. These will be fresh drafts not edited or reviewed in any way. You can browse these using the NaPoWriMo 2016 category on the left.